i know what i look like when im imagining

i know what my closed eyes look like as i giggle

about the crystal treasures in my pockets

the orange of my eyelids

as i face the sun

burned by the skillet

skrim skram

scrambled egg brained

i know what the horse looks like if you ask me

to imagine a horse

that fucking shaggy haired mare

a baggy eyed poodle head

down trodden

a true bottom

she'd rather not give me a ride

through a thirtless desert

but ill hover on anyway

try to be as light as possible

hold my breath till i choke

try to be invisible

so so sorry 

it cant be helped

but really

no, for realll doe

i couldnt love you more

my heart is broken in a million perfect pieces

sprinkled on top of your rainbow sherbert

just go 

Many things I was once good for 

I need to be reassured 

but I've been loved 

with swollen eyes

my skin rippled by the sheets

like dead wood weathered by tunneling raindrops 

lying on top of you 

as a film of sweat gluesticks us together

belly to back

my body warmed by sleep

microwaved and dished deep

My blood still, 

anchored within my skin,

slow cooked

A crock pot of flesh 

hot and ready for when you come home

Pulled, Porked, Casseroled

Loose and soupy 

A devoted groupie. 

And now my cacti are sagging 

flaccid and yellowed

and my ferns are charred

I even browned my baby bonsai

despite an appropriate watering regimen and adequate light

I've read that they thrive off the vibrations of the voice 

high pitched and raspy

a vocal fry

a wet wet yodel 

a distant moan 

through speaker phone

But it was a clear decision 

to take that pussy off the pedestal

and praise a barnacled phallus 

hot tequila in a challis

jerk off to a sunset with calmed malice

I dont just want this 

I just want it all

all the perks, all the bouts, all the fits

a conniption of passion

palpable tension

bruises to mention

black eyed susaned

clammy and humid

belly up a damp damp towel

empty handed open boweled

wading, quick sanded and shallow

i want you to see me as how I use to show

all boyish and wet with a pregnant glow

a cool buzz a tender shower

a freezer full of last summer's flowers

My hairs been long enough for long enough

and I'm widows peaked and sun streaked 

in a summer house you loved me rough 

and i was so helpful

my boyish looks

freckled and fragile

but now im all worn out instead of worn in

and im watching your interest wane.

And so yesterday morning on the beach

I fucked a granite boulder 

the color of salmon

Like it was me when he played prison with me.

Or like it was me when you hit it from behind

in my mossy straw hat

sandy banana and that warm champagne.

And I was your father and you were my daughter 

And you were hanging loose from my thighs 

Swatting at the fruity fruit flies 

Belly to Belly 

Gash to Gash 

rain soaked denim 

the shadow of your eyelash 

on dimpled cheeks 

My days dogged 

thoughts prodded 

eyes dotted

You had me wrapped around your finger

like the Blackeyed Susan upon your pinkie 

I picked up from my molding bathroom 

Do you have to do you have to do you have to let it linger?

daily diarrhea

budweiser in a tortilla

yayo and spirulina 

my thighs rubbed raw

fingerfucked a see saw

a sweaty slave

wet wet wave

my dry dry dreams

of you throwing fruit at me

in a grocery store

on the mezzanine floor

a hairy tooth

chugging vermouth

thru a fairy luge

im still picking at my scab

a morning bump on a marble slab

a witty wink and a playful jab

im just trying to get away with it

so much more than ill ever admit

cram it in where ever it can fit

alaya alaya alaya

wish i was there when you were seized with that panic

at the kegger at the community college

id calm you off go to your dorm and we'd watch titanic

and four days a week id come to the club and try not to acknowledge 

that pakistani chump with a chub watching you 

work that pole to smack my bitch up 

or that man eating his chicken cordon bleu

make you rub his back to cure his hiccups

and you said the most exciting thing you've ever done is sky dive 

but id rather bump some ratchet in the van and drive 

half killing our selves to feel this alive

and yeah i can wait til 4 just to take a nap witcha

hold your leopard clutch with an iron claw

help you wipe the bronzer off your lower jaw 

on the train to your mom's house in massapequa 

a place where we've stayed before

across the street three floors up

chilled hands clenched

Bavarian beer in a mossy cemetery 

I won't hum that tune ever again for us

Piaf in the thawing garden, the ides of march

a tingle in my heart

skinned blushed crocused poked

pedals pressed, your hand on my forehead as I soaked

heartburn in the claw foot tub 

too much brie and burgundy 

cavair in my molars

a merlot moustache 

all I ever want to do is my favorite thing

Ill rush and spill and trip just to get back to it

a down feather against wind 

.

 sunken daffodil in the fish tank

making change from the spank bank

a downward dawg or a puppy plank 

a flaccid cactus corsage

hawaiian printed and camouflaged

upon my scalp i will a massage

a sliming senseless goldfish

my lover, jaundiced and dwarfish

our lucid, foaming solstice

robotussined sunburnt blackfaced

shrimpped cocktailed palmtreed

eggdropped hotdogged holidazed hammed